Review: Simulating sex

It's important to practise simulating sex, in case you should ever be imprisoned by soldiers and forced to simulate sex acts in front of them. You'd want to be good at it, wouldn't you. Bad enough to be in prison without fucking things up even more by giving substandard simulated head.

Strange, though, that American and British troops, thoughtfully provided with Xboxes, porn DVDs and copies of FHM by their respective governments, should be so eager to see Iraqi prisoners pretending to have sex. Perhaps this is a problem the porn industry should address, before the malaise spreads, the whole world goes off porn and the internet is abandoned, a disused playground once populated by teens-for-cash and sex-clips-for-free.

Simulated sex, while fine as a healthy armed forces pastime, is a distasteful prospect on stage or screen. Who among us can sincerely say that she/he hasn't felt the urge to stand up in a crowded theatre and shout, "They're not really fucking!" But you don't bother, do you, because there are more and better pricks to kick against elsewhere.

Simulating sex: Deeply perplexing. 5 out of 10.


At 6:41 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

More and better pricks than in the porn industry? Surely not.

At 11:18 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

nevar had teh erge to shuot taht in a movie theter but i oftan do on the bus.


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