Tuesday

Science review: The theory of relativity

God, this morning has gone on for weeks. Proving that, if Monday goes quickly, Tuesday will go slowly. Good in some ways – who wants to be old before their time? – bad in others.

In any case, science doesn’t make moral judgments, unless it’s the Nazis and they’re making great leaps forward in medical science during the war.

There was something with clocks and a train. If you have a clock, and you’re on the Northern Line, and I have a clock, and I stay at home to watch Cow and Chicken, then when our clocks meet they will fuse into one ur-clock, showing The Time.

This proved relativity. Later, this was disproved when an article in the New Scientist, which I read, suggested that the universe has different textures, because it expanded at different speeds.

Not everything is relative, though. The answer to cultural relativity is “female genital mutilation” or “the Nazis”. That should shut up any students hanging out in the kitchen pretending they’ve read Baudrillard.

So Einstein was, in some ways, wrong. In other ways, he was correct. Well done Albert! I am so glad to have had the chance to clear all this up.

The Theory of Relativity: Good work, scientists. 9 out of 10.

7 Comments:

At 2:18 pm, Blogger chunky munky said...

Science.

Ummmm.

I heard that science caused dinosaurs to die or something. Or maybe that was Jesus...

 
At 4:44 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

I too read New Scientist. I can only hope that there is a parallel universe where I actually understand it too.

 
At 5:46 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

i thot reletivety was proved because if it werent true than whan ur goin rely fast u wuldnt be able to see urslef in a miror. which wuld be stupid. so insted whan u go rely fast u shrink! an thats suposed to be less stupid. thats where i start getin suspicios.

im prety sure most of modarn physics starated out as a elaberate poractical joke an now teh physicissts are to embarased to admit it.

 
At 7:02 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The answer to cultural relativity is “female genital mutilation” or “the Nazis”."

Not to a relativist.

 
At 7:30 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

okay anon its not theyre answar but its stil a valid anser for most of us.

 
At 10:20 am, Anonymous eskimo said...

no, anonymous is right, my relatives usually laugh in my face when i say these things. i didnt mention that in my post because i didnt want to compromise my authoritative tone.

 
At 12:36 pm, Blogger This Space for Rent said...

Relativity does make some sense, but this is mainly because I have some children's books that explain it. The lead character is called Gedanken.

I'm hoping a publsiher will work on a range of children's books for other complicated ideas. 'Jimmy the Dinosaur ate his dad' could work well for Freud. Or the lego guide to structuralism.

 

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