Saturday

Review: Handjobs

Awkward, sticky and he can do it better himself. A bit like doing a conceptual art in front of Tracy Emin, or boiling a soft-boiled egg in front of Delia Smith, or committing casual acts of violence in front of Lily, my mother's cat. It’s as if at any moment he’s going to do that thing that exasperated neat freaks do when their boyfriends cack-handedly try to iron something: “Give it here, I’ll do it myself!”

As with food, so with penis: if you aren’t willing to put it in your mouth, why are you fiddling with it anyway?

Handjobs: I hear that sitting on your hand until it goes dead and then having a go yourself makes it feel like it's someone else. 3 out of 10.

7 Comments:

At 7:06 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

That last bit's true, and if you wear a ring it feels like someone else's wife.

(Copyright Billy Connolly, ca. 1870)

 
At 8:37 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

or somone elses husbend.

 
At 8:37 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

i. er. i heard taht form a frned.

 
At 10:40 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pracise is all luv, same as you want from us. Jesus, frigging some damp woman till she's bored is no fun either AND you get told you're doing it wrong.
Rob.

 
At 3:13 pm, Anonymous Lehcar the Lecherous said...

Surely the excitement comes from not knowing quite whether it will work or not? If you do it yourself there's no suspense.

Actually, just realised we were talking about men. It always works on them. You could just look at it, let alone touch it.

 
At 3:48 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It depends how lazy the guy is. Alex says it's almost always better when someone else does it, simply because he doesn't have to move.

O

 
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