Monday

Review: Earrings

I had my ears pierced in a shop in Arusha. Between that and learning to drive, which I will as soon as I can get over my fear of the traffic in Dar es Salaam (aggressive 4x4 drivers, minibuses with fifty people inside, cows wandering across the road, potholes galore, headlights at full beam blinding you at night, and other exotic traffic paraphernalia), I am becoming a proper adult. As everyone knows, low-end mutilation in pursuit of beauty is an important aspect of female adulthood. But then, so is trying to make your mind up if your inability to find a boyfriend is because you intimidate men with your phenomenal beauty, wit and elegance, or because you need to lose some weight and stop talking about your childhood on first dates.

I can barely bring myself to discuss men with pierced ears. It reveals a tragically un-ambitious spirit of rebellion. If you want to show your disdain for convention, get the word FUCK tattooed across your forehead or set fire to a church or marry your sister. A single earring in your misshapen earlobe doesn’t impress me: in that respect, I am very much like Shania Twain. (“OK, so you’ve won a Nobel Peace Prize, reconciled the wave and the particle and discovered a new, clean energy source to rival oil / That don’t impress me much.” The woman is made of steel. I once read an article in a men’s magazine that listed reasons to look on the bright side after breaking up with your girlfriend. One of them was something like, “You no longer have to cower at Shania Twain concerts, convinced that a stadium of 50,000 women singing along to That Don’t Impress Me Much are talking about your penis.”)

Earrings make you look like you’ve made an effort, even when you haven’t showered. They also impress the girl behind the donut counter in Shoprite. I live to please her.


Earrings: Kind of anthropologically weird, but don't I look pretty? 9 out of 10.

21 Comments:

At 3:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hurrah! You're back! With earrings! But this proves you have finally become a teenager, rather than an adult. The rest of us are busy letting most of our punctured body parts heal up...

 
At 9:46 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

Earrings are useful in the sphere of present giving "oh fuck it I'll just get her earrings." This does not apply for men. At, least, I am now brave enough to buy a male friend of mine an earring. Although now the idea has occured it has a glittering beauty to it.

The best thing about Shania Twain's song is the lyrics come in this order

"so, you're a rocket scientist?"

And, shortly after

"So, you've got a car?"

Clearly her pickiness is not helping her.....

 
At 9:47 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

Also, I suspect her perfect man, is, in fact, a hot water bottle.

 
At 10:37 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I got my cock pierced about a year ago. Ive never been able to piss straight since!!

 
At 11:54 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude-


'The expat children here are old before their time, confident as CNN anchormen and slightly deranged by the constant coming and going of their friends and schoolmates, who are mostly diplobrats whose parents do something pointless for the UN. '

this is me and every kid i went to school with; nicley astute.

I just stumbled across your blog over here in Sydney, Australia. Full of familiar places and faces through a witty, synical window.

i'll think of some books to recommend, which further explore the elephant problem. I'll post them later.

meanwhile, regards from a fully fledged, nomadic expat kid, with memories of warm sand, indian oceans and dusty markets.

karibu!

 
At 7:23 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Having your cock peirced is definately low-end mutilation. Badum-Tish!

 
At 1:02 am, Blogger Philip said...

I would have thought it was more a painful prick.

 
At 10:00 pm, Blogger James Henry said...

I still don't know what 'Man, I feel like a Woman!' is all about, although it doesn't stop me singing it.

 
At 10:35 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe its a subliminal messeage which actually means "Man, I need a big dick up ass to make me feel better".
Hmmmmm.... I Wonder....!

 
At 1:16 pm, Blogger James Henry said...

Someone should write her a letter, asking if that's what it is.

 
At 4:32 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

will eskimo ever update again? Tension and drama....

 
At 10:37 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wankie Doodle Dandy! Give me a Shandy! Cause Im Randy! Im also very Handy, an I love my Daddy, Whos name is Paddy, and his Trousers are Baggy......... Oh fuck off Im bored!!!!!!!!

 
At 9:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...an ex-blog, it has ceased to be, fallen off it's perch, shuffled off it's mortal coil...

 
At 3:29 pm, Blogger The Wanted Man said...

I hope nothing has happened to eskimo. Perhaps a search party should be put together.

 
At 3:52 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone know when this was last update? Seems odd to say precisley to the minute when updates were made but not give a clue to the date.

Anyway, what's going on? There are at least 3 new things in serious need of review.

 
At 1:17 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, Where the hell ha Emirald NIle Gone. 1st she was their now shes gone!!. ??????????????
What, Where, How. CUNT!!

 
At 6:18 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, Where the hell ha Emirald NIle Gone. 1st she was their now shes gone! ?????????
no!

 
At 11:13 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to make penis bigger naturally and permanently without risks. A safe way to make your penis bigger by just using your hands.

www.BestMakePenisBigger.info

 
At 7:53 am, Blogger Selfless said...

Don't buy games for your kids that are not age appropriate. So, you should check ratings on the games before you buy Maplestory M Mesos. Violence can be a primary focus of some games, meaning you may not want to purchase them.

Watch your body when you play MapleStory 2. If you play MapleStory 2 in a seated position, it is important that you avoid slouching and maintain good posture. If more active games are your thing, remember to stretch and take breaks. This will help keep you from getting game-related injuries.

When considering purchasing a brand new game, you should reserve the game in advance rather than waiting for it to be officially released. There are some bonus features or in-game items, available only with a pre-order. You may get a bonus that helps you gain a winning edge, buy MapleStory2 Mesos enhance your avatar or game features that cannot be acquired with a later date purchase.

The tips and techniques from this article will help you become a MS2 pro. Use this article to serve as your guide into the world of MapleStory. Even an expert can learn from this article!

 
At 5:15 am, Blogger smrtsmith said...

As the level of the game increases, the difficulty of the game will increase. In order to get the gaming device quickly, I think you need a faster Madden Overdrive Coins gaming device. In my opinion, the most convenient way is to buy online. Although many sellers on the Internet have official websites selling game coins, not many people can really protect the safety of players. I generally choose the familiar MMOAH website Buy Madden NFL Overdrive Coins, because it is already a long-term customer because it is affordable and never the title is so reliable. Search from Google.

 
At 12:02 pm, Blogger ritika said...


That is an amazing post shared by you, looking forward for more insights on earrings online india. Hoping for one soon.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home