Monday

Review: Big Brother

It’s disgusting how lazy some people are, failing to update their blogs in favour of lolling around watching Big Brother and reading the Big Brother online forum and talking to people about Big Brother.

Jumping on the bandwagon late, as ever, I’ve fallen in love with reality TV this year. TV drama disgusts me now: as BS Johnson wrote, “Enough of all this lying!” Why make stuff up, when you can watch a cross-dressing teenager paint his toenails, an aspiring rapper from Leeds cornrow his hair and the most beautiful man on TV walk around in his pants? Why leave the house? I am furious that the weather is perfect: it’s eating into valuable BB obsession time.

Pearls of wisdom so far include, “I go for a girl’s personality as well as her looks – I know that makes me sound like a mincer”, “If a human touches a dolphin, it’s like putting it in acid”, and the revelation that there are people out there who have never gone without sex for more than 25 days. That’s what it’s like, when you’re an experienced sailor on the… OK, will give hilarious Relation Ship pun a rest for now.

Big Brother: I’ll miss it when I’m gone. Unless they have it in Tanzania, with Big Brother voiced by Bob Geldof and insipid theme tune composed by Chris Martin. 8 out of 10.

24 Comments:

At 7:12 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

hmmm! i was at a paty teh othar night an all teh wimen started goin on abuot relity tv. all the men promtly wanndard off to the kicthen for a beer. it was wierd.

 
At 9:00 pm, Blogger the urban fox said...

The most beautiful man on TV? Surely you're not still talking about someone on Big Brother?

 
At 10:22 pm, Anonymous Laura. said...

Kemal! I love him!

 
At 7:50 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Joy! Another Big Brother forum. Give it a rest! If I want to read about BB I would have gone to BB Website..... in fact I will!!!

 
At 10:30 am, Anonymous claire said...

thankfully, i don't have tv at uni.

 
At 10:52 am, Anonymous eskimo said...

laura: no no not kemal, roberto. i think i'm having a celebrity crush.

ha ha ha: could this mean that men have something against reality?

 
At 11:00 am, Blogger Mr K said...

As a man, I clearly speak for all men, in that we do indeed hate reality. Unless, giving into stereotypes, it involves cars. Or possibly football. The attraction of which has never been apparent to me.

I hate summer as people seem to want to encourage you to go outside.


Oooh, ooh review summer!

 
At 1:49 pm, Anonymous This Space for Rent said...

Roberto is a teacher based in Liverpool.

I could always have a go at doing my gcse's again.

 
At 1:50 pm, Anonymous This Space for Rent said...

Mainly English Language given the appalling punctutation of the previous post.

 
At 4:00 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

he won't be after this summer tho, will he, he'll be a minor celebrity based in chinawhite's.

it's the sixpack that's done for me... tormented by the thought i may never sleep with a man with a sixpack (of abdominal muscles, not budweiser). i might start straightening my hair and wearing miniskirts again, to show willing.

 
At 5:48 pm, Blogger Wateracre said...

I'm ashamed to admit that I know Saskia. Not that well, but know her nonetheless. I'm slightly more ashamed of coming from Tolworth now.

 
At 10:11 pm, Anonymous Philip said...

I’ve fallen in love with reality TV this year

So you don't go for personality or looks, then.

 
At 2:19 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ugh! I hate Roberto. I like Maxwell. He's so romantic, especially the way he sorted all those maggots to demonstrate his credentials as a fisherman to Saskia. You know, I've seen maggots. In my bin. It was most unpleasant. I still look at that bin and shudder. A man that would sort maggots for me would get my vote. If it wasn't so expensive.

I digress. I was about to say was what I like about Big Brother is the ego boost. It's kind of like having a dog. They make you feel like, compared to them, you're so interesting and intelligent. Until you realise that you're comparing yourself to them and feeling smug. And that's almost as pathetic as being them. In my humble opinion.

In a way reality TV is a bit like blogs isn't it?

hmmm... It won't let me put my name...

Donna

 
At 2:19 am, Anonymous DOnna said...

Ugh! I hate Roberto. I like Maxwell. He's so romantic, especially the way he sorted all those maggots to demonstrate his credentials as a fisherman to Saskia. You know, I've seen maggots. In my bin. It was most unpleasant. I still look at that bin and shudder. A man that would sort maggots for me would get my vote. If it wasn't so expensive.

I digress. I was about to say was what I like about Big Brother is the ego boost. It's kind of like having a dog. They make you feel like, compared to them, you're so interesting and intelligent. Until you realise that you're comparing yourself to them and feeling smug. And that's almost as pathetic as being them. In my humble opinion.

In a way reality TV is a bit like blogs isn't it?

hmmm... It won't let me put my name...

Donna

 
At 2:25 am, Anonymous Donna said...

Er, that last question wasn't connected to the previous paragraph in case you thought I was criticising your blog Eski! Of course, yours is the exception to the rule. :)

 
At 10:14 am, Anonymous eskimo said...

Yeah, well, to be honest I'm more upset about you saying Maxwell is romantic. He's not romantic at all: he's a cockney bunnyboiler.

Tom: do tell.

 
At 10:40 am, Anonymous Lake said...

Tom, you just delurked to namedrop Saskia from Big Brother. Your brow has hit rock bottom.

 
At 10:47 am, Blogger Wyndham said...

Everything Reviewed. What a great idea! Will come back.

 
At 3:50 am, Blogger HA HA HA said...

esk - "could this mean that men have something against reality?"

er... somehtign sweams worng thare... just cant quite put my figner on it...

 
At 10:42 am, Blogger Hated thrice said...

Eskimo whatcha doin in Tanzania? If you are going soon, would you be so kind and take all the reality TV producers with you. It is the only way to put an end to these modern freakshows.

 
At 1:50 pm, Blogger Wateracre said...

A Lake wrote: Tom, you just delurked to namedrop Saskia from Big Brother. Your brow has hit rock bottom.


Yes. True. None more lowbrow.

As I told the Eskimo when I bumped into them in the pub last night, I went to youth drama club with Saskia. She was just like she comes across on TV, only slightly less - I dunno... self-aware. Seeing her on TV makes me feel just a little bit more ashamed of coming from Tolworth in Surrey.

(FYI: Tolworth also spawned ex-BB housemate BUBBLE. Ah, the good old days, eh?)

 
At 1:55 pm, Anonymous this space for rent said...

Maxwell's cheeky, eh? Just like an arse.

 
At 10:28 pm, Blogger littlemissprincess_86 said...

Ah, Bubble. Of course BB was a particularly rich seam that year - Bubble, Brian, HELEN!

Saskia seemed to have that baffling mix of sex-on-a-stick looks, with the personality of Marc Dutroux.

Or am I being unfair Tom?

 
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