Wednesday

Review: Charity bracelets

My little sister was reeling off a list of worthy plastic bracelets in her possession:

Little Sister: “I’ve got Make Poverty History, diabetes, breast cancer, cruelty to children, and another cancer one. I wanted to get a Live Strong one from Nike Town, but they’d sold out.”
Me: “What’s Live Strong?”
Little Sister: “The yellow ones.”
Me: “I know, but what are they for?”
Little Sister: “They’re for Lance Armstrong. He’s had cancer, so he’s a walking charity.”

As Chunky Munky observed recently, there’ll be hell to pay when the kids get sick of these plastic bracelets. I have a bright pink A Future Without Diabetes wristband, courtesy of Little Sister. Diabetes makes you eligible for disability benefit and free cinema tickets. My mother spends the disability benefit on designer children’s clothes for Little Sister. I once asked her why that was. “That’s what you’re supposed to do with it,” she said. Visions of women in wheelchairs comparing shoes: “They’re Marc Jacobs. I got them with my disability benefit. Best thing is, they’ll never wear out, because I can’t walk.”

Charity bracelets: I was thinking of creating my own, with Make Eskimo Rich printed on them. I am underpaid and drink too much, but am I a walking charity? 5 out of 10.

19 Comments:

At 5:25 pm, Anonymous Andrew Haydon said...

I'm starting my own campaign called "Make Poverty Destiny". It is a campaign to persuade more 18-year-olds to read arts subjects at university.

 
At 6:00 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw someone selling fake charity bracelets the other day. The best thing about it was that people were still buying them even though there was a prominent (but misspelled) sign advising that 'these are not charity braselets'. Why? Why go to the bother of even fucking making the MOST POINTLESS counterfeit good ever? I dunno, do you?

 
At 6:01 pm, Anonymous Rob said...

Anonymous being Rob, except my kid is sticking her fucking finger in my ear so I can't type. Fuck off Kid!

 
At 6:16 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

Perhaps the fake charity bracelets were cheaper than the real ones?

At a recent charity event I helped run I noticed that many people were happy to give money to charity, but actively didn't want the lovely make poverty history bracelets they could get if they donated a pound. (this system led to much confusion as we had to seperate the money collected seperately from the money collected for the make poverty history bands...)

I wonder if it will get to the point where there are so many charity bands that one could cover ones entire arms with them, and being a walking advertisement for charities.

Still, its better than being a walking advertisement for nike, I suppose.

 
At 7:51 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

do the bracelets actually make money for charity? or does the pound you spend on them go mainly paying the people who make them and the cost of materials?

 
At 10:16 pm, Blogger HA HA HA said...

anono - i can reasure u on taht piont! pepl are calaimin taht teh pavorty ons are made very cheply in sweatshops in china. so dont wory! theive got low ovarhed. an the materiels arent much. two cents wortha hydrocarbens.

esk with the diabeets do u get to chose which movie an what time to se it or do tehy just give u crap tickats for sucky flicks at wierd times? i wuld haveta considar tath bafore i went the diebetas route.

but anyway im glad too see their curin povarty agian.

 
At 1:13 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:21 pm, Blogger Eskimo said...

i dont like the word chav any more, it's started to remind me of the word nigger, so i've deleted the chav comment. sorry. it's my blog & i'll be mildly unreasonable if i want to.

 
At 2:34 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

Just when it's been legitimised, too.

 
At 2:55 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

being in a dictionary doesnt legitimise a word, though, does it, it just says what it means.

 
At 7:46 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

Legitimised was the wrong word. I meant catalogued. Should have consulted a dictionary.

 
At 11:10 am, Blogger brunio said...

Personally I prefer the 'Make Genocide Geography' bands best. I think the aliteration's a nice touch. Also they're made in good ole East London sweatshop, rather than one of those dodgy foreign ones.
I can't believe that my first ever comment on here was that lame-arsed joke. I promise to do better in the future.

 
At 10:04 am, Blogger Hated thrice said...

Eskimo… I'm bored. I need entertaining. How can I live my life without living it through the experiences of others — yours in particular. I'll pay top dollar. Treat me like just another chairty case. I'm no loon but I seem to attract those who are

 
At 8:33 pm, Anonymous Rob said...

Huffing glue through a sock, that's how. Sheesh, you didn't KNOW?

 
At 7:12 pm, Anonymous Andrew Haydon said...

There's a magical article in today's Daily Mail (where else?) suggesting children are now using charity bracelets to identify themselves sexually. Gays apparently use Alzheimer's bands.

 
At 6:07 am, Blogger HA HA HA said...

holy crap hoyden ur seroius? jesus taht muts be why taht guy whti a shep was folowign me aruon al day an leerin.

i mised out. dam. if onyl id knowan.

 
At 10:48 pm, Anonymous Taylor said...

of all the random reviews you post, this one is the best. freaking hilarious!!!!!

 
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