Thursday

Review: Dinner parties

There is a difference between eating some food with some people, and meanwhile getting drunk, which is good, and having a dinner party, which is bad. I'm not sure exactly what the difference is, but I'd know it if I saw it.

The worst thing about dinner parties is the way people make orgasm noises to show their appreciation of the food, instead of just eating it. Makes me sick. I feel similarly about people who make loud, protracted orgasm noises during orgasm: they are trying far too hard, and the proof of this is that no one screams and wails like that when they are having quality time on their own with their right hand.

That isn’t actually the worst thing about dinner parties, though: I was being over-hasty, back there when I said that. The absolute worst thing is the mini-industry that has sprung up around the dinner party, with cookery schools and cooking holidays in Tuscany and bizarre foodstuffs like hazelnut oil and smoked pigeon, all of which exist purely for the purpose of impressing guests at dinner parties. If you are going to eat very expensive food, it should be in a hedonistic and mad way – perhaps taking off your clothes first and smearing sauce on your skin, that would be good – but actually dinner parties are very Blairite and Protestant.

I have been to a few dinner parties, even though I’m far too young for it, and they were terrible in principle even if they weren’t actually all that terrible. Normally, faced by a social situation I find morally reprehensible, I courageously drink a lot of wine very fast, which is unhelpful when there are a couple domestically abusing each other at the next table in a bar, but fine at dinner parties, where really the best thing to do is get dead drunk and then pass out under the table.

Dinner parties: Stop playing with your food, just eat it like a normal human being. 3 out of 10.

7 Comments:

At 7:32 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

I'm a student, so the only dinner party I have ever come close to having is when a friend of ours came round to our horrible little flat and cooked us some damn fine roast, and we got drunk on wine.... OK, thats not a dinner party is it?

As to orgasms, when you're on your own you're ever so slightly embarrased by the whole thing, so you keep it to yourself. But during sex you are attempting to show your appreciation. At least, thats the theory. Personally I fix my sexual partners with a gaze and say NOTHING AT ALL.

 
At 10:09 am, Anonymous This Space for Rent said...

I want to update the rule that at dinner parties you never talk about money, politics or religion. Possibly you should have to talk about how long school waiting lists are. All evening. Regardless of your fecundity.

Or at least be banned from discussing work unless it has been independently adjudacated (how do you spell that?) as a reasonable quality anecdote.

 
At 12:02 pm, Anonymous Rob said...

Your drug habit. That ought to get the conversation flowing. And how bravely you are drinking, I like that one.

 
At 1:06 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I try juggling sex with dinner parties. This makes for a sexual mess, in more way than one!

 
At 6:25 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeh dont bag the moans! I know i moan and so does my partner, try it yourself perhaps you will like it.

 
At 6:31 pm, Blogger Johnay said...

The best dinner parties are the ones that start with an ad hoc visit to the market, the wine store and finally back to eat and drink your way through the entire night while preparing the meal. Half of it gets eaten on the fly and the dessert somehow is forgotten in the fridge.

 
At 8:38 am, Blogger xjd7410@gmail.com said...


true religion jeans
coach outlet store online clearances
kobe 9
fitflops
coach outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
coach factory outlet
beats headphones
ray ban sunglasses outlet
rolex submariner
coach outlet store online clearances
coach factory outlet
kate spade handbags
air jordan retro
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton handbags
coach factory outlet
michael kors handbags
toms outlet
michael kors outlet
supra sneakers
lebron james shoes 13
nike uk
ralph lauren outlet
longchamp outlet
oakley sunglasses
cheap jordans
lebron james shoes 13
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
kobe bryant shoes
kobe 11
juicy couture
kobe bryant shoes
adidas nmd
air max 90
adidas shoes
michael kors handbags
2016.7.26haungqin

 

Post a Comment

<< Home