Review: Rejection
Like an impotent psychopath, rejection never gets any easier or any harder. Some are of the You’re fired/I quit school of thought, which holds that it is always better to shriek “I didn’t fancy you anyway” and try to set fire to their pubic hair than to make a dignified exit. Others understand, as singer Kristin Hersh puts it, that being a doormat is good honest work. “We have so much in common!” says the doormat. “I hate myself too!”Some people, on being rejected, seek terrible vengeance. On principle, I approve of revenge, but I lack the organisational skills to carry it out. That bunny won't boil itself, you know.
Being rejected is a craft, but rejecting is an art form. Subtle approaches tend not to work: a sudden fierce interest in baby names or wedding dresses is deeply off-putting to the average man, but not to those who have already become morbidly attached. Another rejection red herring is attempting to stay friends: you are unlikely to have a beautiful, mutually enriching friendship with that special guy who’s taken to loitering outside your house with a camera phone in the hope of getting a picture so blurred that he can imagine it’s dirty.
The mark of a true homme/femme fatale is a finely honed disregard for the rejectee. Surveying the trail of broken hearts behind them, they might manage a thin sneer, like a general surveying the carnage of the battlefield after a decisive victory. My own technique is piss-poor in comparison, and involves expressing disbelief that anyone could be so lost to good taste and decency as to want to have sex with me. If you can’t be sophisticated, at least be kind. Failing that, a swift kick in the shins tends to work.
Rejection: Better than a kick in the teeth… oh no, wait… Very much like a kick in the teeth. 2 out of 10.
posted by Eskimo @ 12:34 pm
13 Comments:
Internal whassername links? Impressive. Although this now means my computer skills have fallen to 'scorns the Amish from a position of insecurity'
blogger makes it easy. i look up to the amish, for their hi-tech horse/cart applications.
god, i have a horrible cold today. i would reject myself, if i could.
*weeps at thoughts of past rejections and vows to hunt them down and kill them like dogs*
let me know how it goes, ranter...
Putting it that way, I should look up to the Amish as I can construct neither horses nor carts.
Used the word nor, one of my ambitions realised. Result!
And now that's twice!
The 2 out of 10 mark seems a bit harsh. A rejection, like a kick in the teeth or the Eton manner, probably has much in its favour so long as you're at the right end of it.
Or deluded.
brilliant, are you going to have a fight? i should warn you in advance that lake is going out with a lawyer.
A friend of mine is attempting the slightly cruel technique of not talking to the gentleman in question. Ever again. They are seperated by distance, so this is possible. In theory, at least, if she leaves him long enough, he'll break up with her! Pain free for all.
Well, for her at least.
Being deliberately sick on someone. Although I have seen a woman undeterred by being inadverdently vomited upon, so maybe that won't work for everyone. Funny though.
Why thank you, although that photo is now out of date... I'm not sure of the gentleman in question as per his officer status, so, for the sake of neatness, lets say he IS a gentleman and an officer.
Hated thrice said: "Have you ever been on the receving end of this rejection technique?"
How would I know?
Eskimo, write a review of the new column "Sleeping Around" on page 36 of today's Independent. It's rubbish. Well worth a look.
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