Wednesday

Review: Rejection

Like an impotent psychopath, rejection never gets any easier or any harder. Some are of the You’re fired/I quit school of thought, which holds that it is always better to shriek “I didn’t fancy you anyway” and try to set fire to their pubic hair than to make a dignified exit. Others understand, as singer Kristin Hersh puts it, that being a doormat is good honest work. “We have so much in common!” says the doormat. “I hate myself too!”

Some people, on being rejected, seek terrible vengeance. On principle, I approve of revenge, but I lack the organisational skills to carry it out. That bunny won't boil itself, you know.

Being rejected is a craft, but rejecting is an art form. Subtle approaches tend not to work: a sudden fierce interest in baby names or wedding dresses is deeply off-putting to the average man, but not to those who have already become morbidly attached. Another rejection red herring is attempting to stay friends: you are unlikely to have a beautiful, mutually enriching friendship with that special guy who’s taken to loitering outside your house with a camera phone in the hope of getting a picture so blurred that he can imagine it’s dirty.

The mark of a true homme/femme fatale is a finely honed disregard for the rejectee. Surveying the trail of broken hearts behind them, they might manage a thin sneer, like a general surveying the carnage of the battlefield after a decisive victory. My own technique is piss-poor in comparison, and involves expressing disbelief that anyone could be so lost to good taste and decency as to want to have sex with me. If you can’t be sophisticated, at least be kind. Failing that, a swift kick in the shins tends to work.

Rejection: Better than a kick in the teeth… oh no, wait… Very much like a kick in the teeth. 2 out of 10.

17 Comments:

At 3:53 pm, Anonymous This Space for Rent said...

Internal whassername links? Impressive. Although this now means my computer skills have fallen to 'scorns the Amish from a position of insecurity'

 
At 4:17 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

blogger makes it easy. i look up to the amish, for their hi-tech horse/cart applications.

god, i have a horrible cold today. i would reject myself, if i could.

 
At 4:53 pm, Blogger UnderCrackers said...

*weeps at thoughts of past rejections and vows to hunt them down and kill them like dogs*

 
At 5:54 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

let me know how it goes, ranter...

 
At 6:34 pm, Anonymous This Space for Rent said...

Putting it that way, I should look up to the Amish as I can construct neither horses nor carts.

Used the word nor, one of my ambitions realised. Result!

And now that's twice!

 
At 6:35 pm, Blogger Philip said...

The 2 out of 10 mark seems a bit harsh. A rejection, like a kick in the teeth or the Eton manner, probably has much in its favour so long as you're at the right end of it.

 
At 10:32 am, Blogger Hated thrice said...

If being rejected is a craft and rejecting an art form, then manipulating the rejectee into becoming the rejecter is the sublime. Devious moi?

 
At 11:03 am, Anonymous Lake said...

Or deluded.

 
At 11:56 am, Blogger Hated thrice said...

Deluded indeed lake. Have you ever been on the receving end of this rejection technique? My condolences if you have. You could tell me to fuck off, but that would confirm an impression that may be deluded itself

 
At 2:18 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

brilliant, are you going to have a fight? i should warn you in advance that lake is going out with a lawyer.

 
At 3:27 pm, Blogger Hated thrice said...

If the lawyer's name is Emerson, I hope they called their firstborn Palmer as tribute to 70s prog rockers extraordinaire: Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Damn my testiness

 
At 3:54 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

A friend of mine is attempting the slightly cruel technique of not talking to the gentleman in question. Ever again. They are seperated by distance, so this is possible. In theory, at least, if she leaves him long enough, he'll break up with her! Pain free for all.

Well, for her at least.

 
At 5:32 pm, Anonymous Rob said...

Being deliberately sick on someone. Although I have seen a woman undeterred by being inadverdently vomited upon, so maybe that won't work for everyone. Funny though.

 
At 5:51 pm, Blogger Hated thrice said...

Mr K, love the photo on your blog. Is the gentleman in question an officer too?

 
At 7:53 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

Why thank you, although that photo is now out of date... I'm not sure of the gentleman in question as per his officer status, so, for the sake of neatness, lets say he IS a gentleman and an officer.

 
At 6:37 pm, Anonymous Lake said...

Hated thrice said: "Have you ever been on the receving end of this rejection technique?"

How would I know?

 
At 9:23 am, Anonymous Andrew H said...

Eskimo, write a review of the new column "Sleeping Around" on page 36 of today's Independent. It's rubbish. Well worth a look.

 

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