Review: Not being in prison

Sometimes, a life free of oppression, violence and major terrorist incident can pass a girl by without her stopping to count her blessings. This is why, I am reliably informed by an unreliable Iraqi (thanks YS), parts of Baghdad are a melodramatic paradise at the moment, full of creativity and partying and random intensity. We need a war like we need an improving head injury.

So, in the spirit of appreciating what we have, let’s spend today reflecting on how great it is not to be in prison. It’s been a close call: thank God I wasn’t born Muslim, or extremely poor. Thank God I don’t have a psychiatric illness, or terrible parents. Thanks, God, for not making me the underclass!

Still, at least prison is a brilliant deterrent, with a negligible 60% of prisoners reconvicted within two years of their release. Sometimes I’m so moved by the greatness of our great British criminal justice system, I get quite tearful.

Not being in prison: A Hungarian poet speaks: “I look down at my shoe and – there’s the lace! / This can’t be gaol then, can it, in that case.” 9 out of 10.


At 10:12 am, Anonymous Philip said...

While everything you've said is true, not being in prison has at least one definite social disadvantage. It is an attribute shared by Jeffrey Archer, Jonathan King and Tony Blair.

At 10:45 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One thing that does appeal about prison - if you can avoid beatings or becoming the bitch of a large muscular, tattooed man - is that at least you can continue your education at the taxpayers' expense. Unlike poor bastards in the outside world who have to get £20,000 debts or whathaveyou to do a BA. (That said, doing a BA is a farce, especially an arts BA that involves 6 hours of lectures a week and a few hours poncing about in the library and writing essays between the drink, drugs and parties. Condense the 3 year course to perfectly feasible 6 months and it would be a darned sight cheaper.)

At 1:46 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Poor Bastards"? Nobody's forcing you to take a BA....stop being so bloody soft!

At 12:49 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

BA wasn't soft, he was hard as nails, apart from the flying thing, which is only natural

At 4:52 am, Anonymous B.A. Bizarro said...

Damn straight fool. Ain't no way I'm getting in no plane with that crazy murdock flying.

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