Review: Jeans

A good pair of jeans can bring dignity and honour to even the most threadbare of lives. A good pair of jeans can make you understand that the world is essentially benign, despite the human race’s fondness for whooping it up with bombs and instruments of torture. The search for decent jeans, as pointed out by an Australian I once knew, is a kind of lifelong grail quest, with moments of dizzy success (Miss Sixty Supertommy jeans, the Diesel shop in Covent Garden) alternating with tragedy (rips in the crotch).

Even the denim power suit (jeans and jeans jacket) can be made beautiful. If worn in the right way, it says to the world: “I am so crazily, disturbingly attractive that I can get away with wearing denim and denim. I could probably even get away with the beige culottes that Eskimo bought in a spirit of experimentation in Urban Outfitters, and now can’t bring herself to wear – that’s how beautiful I am.”

On the other hand, realising that you can only just squeeze into a pair of jeans that used to fit you perfectly is pretty high up the list of Worst Things (Trivial). It’s climbed up the charts since a close Eskimo affiliate introduced me to the phrase muffin tops, to describe the roll of fat that curves over the top of a girl’s too-tight jeans. Is that sexy hot? No it is not. But has the unexpected benefit of making it harder to sit around navelgazing.

Life trivia alert! I ordered a beautiful pair of jeans from Ebay a couple of weeks ago, at a fraction of their retail price of £130, and they are currently languishing in the post office, perhaps irretrievably. This is an excellent example of hubris, literature fans.

Jeans: Their slow progress towards world domination is hampered only by the equal and opposite force of the muffin top. 7 out of 10.


At 9:10 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not so, Eskimo. If only girls would remember that jeans needn't start below the hip-bone. Not a fashionable thing to say at the moment, but mark my words - when fashion designers have gone on for a bit with the current fad for jeans with only about three inches past the legs for the rest of a girl's middle, they'll go right back to long, tailored middles, and muffin tops will be obliterated.

Frankly, after walking round Camden the other day, I'm praying for the return of dungarees. It's actually putting me off muffins now.

At 1:58 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

Muffin top, that's great. Not to be confused with the gunt, which is slightly lower down.

At 3:24 pm, Anonymous Philip said...

There are so many of those muffin top things bouncing around these days, it's enough to put you off crumpet for life.

At 4:55 pm, Blogger Xena said...

I have to agree with Eskimo that Jeans are very much a double edged sword!!!
I am in the lucky position of having been able to wear a pair of jeans out last Friday that I haven't fitted into for 6 years. Who gives a shit that they might not be the height of fashion anymore. The fact is, I can wear them!!! So there!!!
And in conclusion, if I am ever unable to get back into said jeans, I will cry my eyes out, or shred the jeans, whichever seems to be the most therapeutic of acts at the time.

At 7:06 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

jeans and jeans jacket combo... otherwise known as the "jersey tuxedo"

At 10:42 am, Anonymous Andrew H said...

Not in Camden it isn't, Sunshine.

At 6:29 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

7/10? As a girl who practically lives in jeans, I'd give them at least a 9/10 especially when they are my Bettina Liano skinny jeans, worn turned-up with flip-flops. It goes up to a full 10/10 if I can't be bothered to change and just go swimming with the jeans still on! ;)


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