Wednesday

Review: Packaging

In the olden days, when you went shopping for, say, a saucepan, you would get just the saucepan. Then you’d carry it home in your basket. Now baskets have gone the way of all accessories: drained of usefulness, but worn decoratively by girls pretending to be Sienna Miller. And when you buy a saucepan it comes shrinkwrapped in plastic, swathed in tissue paper, inside a plastic ball inside which is a box inside which is a layer of bubblewrap.

When the planet is entirely made up of landfill, the oil has run out and we’re scratching around in unheated hovels worshipping the memory of electricity, we’ll regret that we screwed everything up for a few extra layers of packaging. Or maybe we won’t. Maybe we’ll think, “OK, so my circumstances aren’t so great now – but, man, that bubblewrap was really incredible!” Maybe the memory of the beauty of cardboard inserts will sustain us through the gradual decline of civilization.


I'm reminded of a scene in Serendipity (pleasant romantic comedy; don’t go out of your way) where Kate Beckinsale’s hideous jazz-flautist boyfriend presents her engagement ring in a series of ever-smaller boxes: boxes inside boxes inside boxes. “What a twat,” you think. And sure enough, you’re right. A brilliant piece of character development.

Packaging: Really unnecessary, and prevents things from fitting neatly inside your handbag. But good for things like raw chicken or filo pastry. 3 out of 10.

10 Comments:

At 12:23 pm, Anonymous Lake said...

I thought you were cheerleading for apocalypse. Surely excess packaging is your ally? Or were you hoping for a less whimpery end (so to speak)?

 
At 12:31 pm, Blogger Eskimo said...

yeah. more banging, less whimpering. and not for the cause of shrinkwrapped plastic.
i'm amazed you've read this. i thought i'd put everyone off with my talk of tolstoy and obsessive references to wanking.

 
At 1:04 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

DO ONE ABOUT STUPID NOVELTY RINGTONES! DO ONE ABOUT STUPID NOVELTY RINGTONES!

mikal

 
At 2:08 pm, Blogger Eskimo said...

how would you rate stupid novelty ringtones, then? im still out of the mobile phone loop...

 
At 3:31 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One positive factor about all this rubbish we're creating: at least when the ice caps melt and the sea levels rise, the land level will have risen ahead of it from all the landfills. Phew.

 
At 4:05 pm, Blogger Eskimo said...

YES. anonymous is correct. quick, someone tell greenpeace to call off their attack whales.

 
At 5:35 pm, Blogger chunky munky said...

Bubblewrap is fine because you can pop all the bubble bits, providing both endless/annoying entertainment as well as diminishing the overall volume of said bubblewrap.

I find cardboard and plastic casing completely unacceptable as there is no fun to be had - too small to build an acceptable adult-sized fort and they rip open your bin bags, thus spilling the (usually disgusting) contents in front of your (usually grumpy) neighbour's door when you're in a hurry to get to work.

 
At 6:04 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

i do like bubblewrap. there's an advert for some skincare product that features people popping bubblewrap, and every time i see it i make a little moaning noise of pleasure.

 
At 6:11 pm, Blogger hungbunny said...

Have you seen this?

http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

Moan away, sisters.

 
At 7:36 pm, Anonymous eskimo said...

ahhh hungbunny i LOVE IT. what a brilliant site.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home