Monday

Review: Easter

Once again, Easter has come as a big surprise. I am glad of the extra day off, but remain unconvinced by the whole thing. Sources close to Eskimo tried to go to midnight mass for Good Friday, but couldn’t find one and ended up calling an ambulance instead. Sources even closer to Eskimo brought round a box of Cadbury’s Heroes and watched her select, unwrap and eat the best ones, telling her, “Why don’t you go on a diet? You’d lose those love handles in a week.”

Easter produces mixed feelings: joy, unease, even a little bit of sorrow. On the one hand, Eskimo’s people killed Jesus good and proper; on the other, he allegedly rose again three days later. Ancient Jews: you can’t live with them, you can’t live without them. Oh no, wait: you can live without them.

On a related note, a Radio 1 DJ was saying today that DIY is the main cause of serious injury on bank holiday Monday. I suggest staying away from that hammer and taking up heavy drinking instead. Jesus himself was a keen DIYer, as depicted in Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, in which the son of God invents the chair.

Easter: The crucifixion as a horrible DIY accident? Discuss. 5 out of 10.

9 Comments:

At 9:20 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arrrr!!!Easter be a fine holiday indeed! I've been watching 'Blackbeard the Ghost' and I've realised I want to be a pirate. Pirates get p!ssed, blow their money and be generally up to no good. When was the last time you heard a pirate say "Arrr, me laddos, I'd be havin' issues"?......exactly!

 
At 9:27 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arrrr!!!Easter be a fine holiday indeed! I've been watching 'Blackbeard the Ghost' and I've realised I want to be a pirate. Pirates get p!ssed, blow their money and be generally up to no good. When was the last time you heard a pirate say "Arrr, me laddos, I'd be havin' issues"?......exactly!

 
At 10:41 pm, Blogger myalias said...

"Easter produces mixed feelings: joy, unease, even a little bit of sorrow."

You have struck a chord with me there Eskimo - it was the traditional family holiday, my birthday and the birth of my first nephew for me last week; I will leave you to wonder which feeling plucked what string.

As for the crucifiction as a DIY accident; on whose behalf - Jesus of Nazareth or the Romans? I don't know enough about it.

I didn't get that drunk, but did try to honour you with just one bottle of red.

 
At 8:24 am, Blogger HA HA HA said...

not sure what ur triang to say their.

an whats ur frenid want u to get rid of ur ears for? what teh hel kinda a fraiend is taht?!

 
At 10:05 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha ha: ha ha ha.

 
At 12:48 pm, Anonymous This Space for Rent said...

I'm with Bill Hicks on this one; it's taking the piss to have the symbol of Christianity being a torture technique that killed its main proponent. It's like saluting the Kennedy family with a 21 gun sniper rifle salute.

 
At 5:41 pm, Blogger Mr K said...

I always wonder why many christians cling to the date of Easter. Did Jesus die on a different day depending on the phases of the moon? Thats a miracle I don't remember mentioned in the bible. I could be wrong....

 
At 1:40 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not such a big fan of ester myself but you might want to note that the friend looking for midnight mass on a good friday was slightly confused. According to the teachings of the catholic church Jesus died on good friday and rose again on easter sunday, so it wouldn't make much sense to have mass from good friday to easter sunday. Keep up the good work, good site.

 
At 3:44 pm, Anonymous NagaQueen said...

Mmy ex-catholic, now delightfully wiccan sister made sure she didn't eat fish on Good Friday. I pointed out that as she was no longer catholic it wouldn't matter, but she insisted that hedging her bets in the afterlife was a practice to be encouraged.
I LOVE easter - it's all about fertility (read the other f that goes with that)! And the phases of the moon definitely affect that!

 

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