Review: Tax returns
This is a topical review, about a matter of national consequence, like a columnist writing about the war/any war/all wars. I am going to reveal, in chronological order, the sequence of thoughts I have during January:1 January: “Look, a new year! During this year I will become more organised, wear more make up, develop a stronger work ethic, learn to walk in high heels, fall in love, take up a sport, learn to heal cancer through the laying on of hands, be kind to children and the disaffected young, finish my book and visit the countryside at weekends. And I will do my tax return on time. That is the most important thing. God, my head is killing me.”
15 January: “It’s mid-January and they’ve put up exactly the same ads as last year, the ones with JAN 31 in huge red letters and a man pointing at them with a subtly sorrowful expression on his face, like, ‘I know you will not meet this deadline, even though it is so big and red, but I want you to know that you will regret it for the rest of your life.’ Also, today is my ex-ex-boyfriend’s birthday. I will text him. No I will not. I will text him. No I will not.”
21 January: “If I do my tax return this weekend, it will be in on time in a way that isn’t even stressful and I’ll feel as though my life is working like a small, well-designed machine whose purpose is comfort – an electric fan, perhaps, or a pair of headphones.”
23 January: “Maybe I’ll go out instead. That will make me happier in the short term. It’s all about living in the moment. Yeah. The moment. The moment is like, a house, and I should just move in and, kind of, decorate.”
27 January: “They only fine you £100 for a late tax return. £100 isn’t very much to pay for the pleasure of having the tax return deadline rolled back until July, when they fine you again for having a ganglion where your brain should be.”
30 January: “Fuck, I don’t understand how to fill out this form and I have no money anyway and probably I don’t even owe any tax so it shouldn’t even matter.”
1 February: “My tax return is late. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Tax returns: How can I be this much of a moron and still manage to feed and clothe myself? 0 out of 10
posted by Eskimo @ 6:04 pm
11 Comments:
Why didn't I know this existed before? I'm going to read it every day now.
PS Can I have sex with your hand?
PPS The word verification thing is making me type "ozhnnggh". Which should definitely be a word.
So many of these Word Verifications really ought to be in the OED. Mine is vffeo, which could be jolly useful for anyone who's dropped a vacuum cleaner on their toe.
You and I are quite a bit alike. We have until April 15 here. Mine IS done, BUT I have yet to do the taxes for my dad's estate. He died in '06. I tried to ask a tax person if this was bad. She just said, "Well, not if he dutton't come up owin'."
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Taxpayers who fail to pay the mandatory taxes on time may face all kinds of IRS problems. As IRS is an authorized government body, it has the right to punish the debtors in every possible way and as they wish to. However, the penalty and punishment depend on the history of the debtor.
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